The rainy season has come and we are making up for all that dry of the past couple years.
I wait for a seasonal clearance to get back to northern state farm (photographed above by Tim Gee.) while it's wet and dark I look to the projects that have sat uncompleted and try to re find their voices to get them into completion.
The summer was easy the creative flow kept me awake at night, now we with the dark I struggle to want to be awake beyond the days tasks, thinking is much more a strength then doing.
If I could just hibernate a week I feel like I could be a new person, maybe one not so close to 40 years of age .... nearly a month left before the number devours me for a year...
whatever 40 means as a reference or a marker I don't intend to honor it as any more or less then any other year...
but it's coming and despite what I decide the world will still say you are 40...
how does it feel...
the same as five the same as ten- twenty five and thirty one...
it all has felt the same just maybe I became something more of something else as the year progressed.
I don't know what it means, that I could have lived over half my life at this point if I live the length of life my grandparents lived, that I hope I have lived healthier so I am not yet halfway, or that the vampire will come bite mebefore I become too feeble bodied to fully enjoy eternal life.
what does it mean? it means I may have to make some darker then usual art, and then forget about it and get on living....